Walt Now: home of Walt Jaschek. Writer. Creative Director. Guy.

Urine Trouble: has this ever happened to you?

Yes, I'm moonlighting as an infomercial pitchman. (Hey, there's a recession – we do what we must.) And yes, this IS a real service: you actually can get a "Pre-Urine Test" at any AnyLabTestNow facility nationwide. Why you would need such a thing, I have no idea. [cough] Recorded this at ej4 Studios in St. Louis – did the whole thing in two takes, with the graphics added live in real-time. eJ4 wrote/produced it, too, for agency Spoke Marketing. The only gags I added were the bag of "urine" (it's apple juice, thank goodness) and the end line. I'm ready for more gigs! Propiel, give me a call! 314-479-1966!

Scenes from a Brawl: Don versus Walt...

...in a scene from Terranauts: The Movie, filmed on location last week at the Museum of Transportation in St. Louis County. That's Don Secrease, left, playing Nick Karathanos, and Walt Jaschek, right, playing Blackie Snapbrim.

"Here ya go, pal -- one knuckle sandwich!" [[KKRAK!]]

"No thanks, buddy..." [[THONK!]] "...I'm a vegetarian!"

(Wow, you can tell the writers are on strike, can't you?)

Later in this sequence, I finish Nick off for good. Or...do I?

"That meddling window will never interfere with my plans again."

Alas, I can't bear to run shots of the sequence in which Blackie strongarms at gunpoint heroine Robin Dupre, (played by Erin Woods, Don Secrease's real-life daughter,) but I can run a pic I took of Erin relaxing between takes, and wouldn't you rather look at her, anyway?

"Note to self: avoid Dad's friends."

P.S. The inspiration for the movie, the Terranauts online comic strip, is here.

Kudos to local movie theatre, the Hi-Pointe...

...for the helpful qualifier in its marquee this week.

Thanks, but I have absolutely no desire to see Apocalypto. I like my own blood, don't get me wrong, but I can do without an orgy of it in a film about the importance of family values.

The marquee looks fake there, doesn't it? Ala the Church Sign Generator. But that's just how the cam in the Treo really saw it.

Because the world needs them now. Right now.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are back in CGI, and the trailer is streaming at MTV.com. The giant image of Madonna that loads at the beginning is the scariest part.

The CGI looks great, and the story seems charmingly non-fresh, but I have a soft spot for the "old" TMNT "live"-action movies with the guys in the rubber suits, and especially Judith Hoag, THE one true April O'Neil.

Now there's a super-team. | Images © New Line Cinema.

Superman Returns is great, but you can tell it's a comic fantasy because in it...

When Lois Lane finally gets close to Superman, she says to him, "I forgot how warm you are." In reality, a woman would say to her ex-boyfriend, "I forgot you smell like cheese."

Lois uses a fax to send for help. A fax! How 1977! Lois faxes her "coordinates" to the Planet, long-distance from Lex Luthor's ship, without even a calling card. The Planet gets the fax -- that's in the free scene on iTunes-- even though the sending fax is unplugged. (Realization! I put my fax machine in storage a year ago! What if I have to fax my someone my "coordinates?")

Superman's cape always hangs beautifully at his legs, even when he's in the sky plunging downward feet first. What's holding that cape down, pocket change in the lining? Quarters for laundry?

Superman gently blows out Lois Lane's lighter while she's trying to smoke. In reality, Superman deals with smokers like THIS:

Lois tells her fiance that Superman "never lies." Right, except that part about pretending to be a co-worker who is close enough to stalk you. And uses super-hearing to listen to your private conversations. And then switches into tights to hover outside your house and stare through your walls at your most intimate moments. That may or may not be lying. But it's creepy! (Of course, in the Christopher Reeve movie this one emulates, Superman admits to Lois he can see her pink underwear through her clothes. Then, and now: pervy.)

to be continued,