What now? Walt now! Updates from the wacky world of Walt Jaschek.

My second Clio® Award...

...was also in cahoots with Paul Fey; it was for writing the "Robert Goulet" commercial for the syndicated launch of The Simpsons. Paul produced; Elaine Craig cast; Robert Goulet hit it out of the park; the writers of "The Simpsons" did all the work; and I take all the credit. Listen:

ROBERT GOULET | :60 Radio | Script

ANNOUNCER: And now, mister Robert Goulet reads from "The Writings of Bart," the collected, after-school blackboard writings of young Bart Simpson. Mister Goulet.
SFX: CLASSICAL MUSIC, UNDER
ROBERT GOULET: I will trade pants with others.
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
I will not Xerox my butt.
A burp is not an answer.
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not bring sheep to class.
I will not instigate revolution.
My name is not Doctor Death.
ANNOUNCER: To experience all of Bart's after-school blackboard writings, watch every classic episode of The Simpsons.
ROBERT GOULET: I will not call the principal, "Spud Head."
ANNOUNCER: The Simpsons. Now five times a week.

P.S. In addition to the Clio®, which pays nothing, this also won a $20,000 Mercury Award, which pays, like, $20,000, and forced somebody at the Radio Advertising Bureau to write about it. I was and am nothing but grateful for all of it.

My first Clio® Award...

...I shared at the generous behest of Paul Fey, co-writer and producer of Laugh Catalog, this 60-second radio spot for George Schlatter's Comedy Club. Listen:

LAUGH CATALOG | :60 radio | script

MUSIC: Dignified piano, under
PROFESSOR: Number Seventeen. The Chuckle.
SFX: A MAN CHUCKLING
PROFESSOR: Number Twenty-Two. The Giggle.
SFX: A WOMAN GIGGLING
PROFESSOR: Number Forty-Nine. The Chortle.
SFX: A WOMAN CHORTLING
PROFESSOR. Number Fifty-Six. The Snort.
SFX: A WOMAN SNORTING
PROFESSOR: Number Sixty-One. The Nasal Burst.
SFX: A MAN NASAL BURSTING
PROFESSOR: Number Sixty-Two. The Sputtering Burst.
SFX: A MAN SPUTTERING THEN NASAL BURSTING
PROFESSOR: Number Seventy-Four. The Cackle.
SFX: A WOMAN CACKLING
ANNOUNCER: The preceding laughter was brought to you by George Schlatter's Comedy Club, the new TV show featuring the freshest faces in stand-up comedy.
PROFESSOR: Number One Hundred and Seventeen. The Guffaw.
SFX: A MAN GUFFAWING
PROFESSORY: Number One Hundred and Seventeen "A." The Guffaw with Wheeze.
SFX: A MAN GUFFAWING, THEN WHEEZING, UNDER
ANNOUNCER: George Schlatter's Comedy Club. From the creator of Laugh-In.
SFX: GUFFAWING CONTINUES AND FADES OUT WITH MUSIC

P.S. Read the Radio Advertising Bureau's analysis of this Clio®-winner. For ad geeks only! (Bless ya, ad geeks!)